I lost a dear friend a few weeks ago. I just found out yesterday. She had been ill for some time but I think I was enough in denial it was still a shock. I figured if anyone could win against it, she could; hell she had beat it before.
I’ve known Tracy since I was a little girl. I spent a lot of time at her family’s house growing up. Those were happy times for me, especially because I absolutely loved her little brother Robert. At their house, I was treated almost like an equal, not like a little kid (or so I felt, anyway). As I went through high school, Tracy was my hairdresser. One of the best. Not only did she save me from many hair colour disasters, she was my friend. Although we didn’t really hang out socially, we had a connection spiritually. We belonged to a meditation/healing group for years. I went to her wedding, I watched her sons grow every year, and I refused to see another hairdresser no matter where I was living. (and it was a good excuse to get together with her). I loved spending time with her. And, we were also both Pisces, so we had that bond. She was incredibly supportive of me and my music; selling cd’s at her salon; spreading the word, going out of her way to do my hair for videos or performances, more often than not for free, because she was my friend. A few days before my cd release party in Toronto she gave me a goodie bag of products I had to use on my hair, with a note saying she wished she could be with me, and though she couldn’t, she would be there in spirit. I remember I had a gig in a town two hours away, and she and her friend drove after work to come and see it, even though she had to work the next day. She and I joked that I would pick her up in my lear jet so she could do my hair on the road for me. Then she got sick. It was bad; a tumor in her brain. The day after her first surgery, my Mom and I drove two hours to see her. We didn’t know what to expect when we got there. When we walked into the hospital room, she was shaving her head around the incision. I told her she was the most beautiful bald woman I had ever seen. It was the truth. She was. I always admired her beautiful bold features, and her thick luscious hair… and her inner strength. She went through treatment and when she returned to our meditation nights a few times, she would refer to the tumor as her third eye.
For a while she did really well, and life went on. Before she got sick, she closed her shop, and after, I always felt weird asking her to do my hair at her home. Even though I really wanted her to, and so it was an excuse to visit. So life went on, and although I didn’t see her much over the next few years, she would often come to me in my dreams, and her spirit’s presence in our meditation group was clear. That’s the spiritual connection. She was busy with her family and watching her son move up the ranks til he got drafted to the NHL. I always meant to phone her, and we’d email once in a while, but life got in the way. She was a dedicated Mom and wife and I hoped that when her son made it to the Olympics this year, she was able to go see him win the gold. Fortunately, she did. I meant to phone her to congratulate them. And then when her dad passed suddenly a few months ago, I meant to send that card and go for a visit. I had no idea she was so sick again.
Then yesterday I heard she had passed. I phoned our mutual meditation friend. Yes, she had passed, almost two weeks ago. I missed the service. If this isn’t a lesson, I don’t know what is. I went for a mountain bike ride today alone, and I stopped at a viewpoint that overlooks the lake, a viewpoint that I almost always ride by. I stopped for a moment and thought of my beautiful friend Tracy, and I felt her behind me. I am trying not to be sad; I am thinking of the person she was and all the good things she did in her short life. I am thinking of how she impacted my life, and how I was blessed to know her. I will miss you Trace. I love you, my friend, and I hope you are at peace.
