I posted this on Facebook the other day…
Well, Musey never ceases to surprise me. I’ve been ignoring her for far too long and sometimes when that happens, she turns her back and I have to beg and plead just to get a decent line or word from her.
She must have missed me as much as I missed her.
I sat down last night to begin the dance of: okay, here I am. I’ll take the punishment whether it’s sitting staring into space or just writing garbage. I was prepared for whatever she had to offer.
I had barely picked up my pen when she started shouting things at me, so fast I could barely keep up. An hour had passed like it was only seconds.
It’s good to be creative again.
The fear is real.
It’s old and unfounded, but it’s a lurching, tightening of the gut and chest I still feel after years of being a writer.
I get why it happens.
When I was writing my second album Hidden Power I went through a “writer’s block”. I use quotations because I don’t believe in them anymore.
They say that you take a lifetime to write your first album and then you’re expected to write your second album within a year.
I don’t know who they are, but whatever…you get the point.
This “writer’s block” was painful. I’d sit and stare at a blank page for hours on end, sometimes for weeks and months straight. When I wasn’t doing that, I was procrastinating and putting obstacles in my way so I didn’t write because I feared nothing would happen. And mostly I was right.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t inspired; I totally was, but like the most paralysing stage fright, I’d get in front of that page and just…freeze.
I can’t remember how long it lasted for, but it seemed like forever.
My band and I were rehearsing to promote my first album and my bass player at the time was telling me about this book called The Artist’s Way.
I was intrigued, and more than a little desperate.
So being the bookaholic I am, I bought the book.
I’d put it aside for a few weeks, but the yearning to “just write something” instead staring at those blank pages and hearing the torturous voices in my head of why I couldn’t, was just too much.
I’m not being over-dramatic when I say that book changed my life.
It took me from being literally frozen scared to write, to becoming the writer I am now.
I seriously think the book’s subtitle should be: Mythbusting for Artists.
Myths busted:
- The existence of Writer’s block.
- You have to wait for inspiration.
- Not everyone is creative; you have to be born that way.
- Everything you write needs to be perfect and brilliant and mind-blowing ALL THE TIME.
Shit, no wonder I was blocked. Just writing that makes me anxious .
Bullshit to all of the above. A big fat loud, resounding bullshit.
This book isn’t just for writers or artists; it’s for everyone. ESPECIALLY those who think they aren’t creative.
But that’s another blog.
The Artist’s Way changed my mind – and, that ain’t no easy feat when I’m stuck on something.
I no longer believe in “writer’s block”.
I no longer wait for “inspiration”.
I carve out time, sit down with my new age (do they still call it that?) music, rub my crystals and light my candles. I pick up the pen and I put it to paper. (Yeah, I’m old school like that.) And sometimes, depending on where I am, I simply put pen to paper or type crappily into my iphone notes.
Writing has become a journey of discovery for me. Some days are good, some days suck, and some days are freaking amazing.
So much so that I have affectionately named my muse, Musey.
(One of my friends thought she was a cat? until I outed her).
Depending on my schedule, I sometimes go for weeks without writing, but I try to be creative in other ways (Artist Dates).
TAW helped me to return to nature…to discover that inspiration is everywhere…in the trees as they sway in the wind, or the beautiful colours of the eyeshadows at Sephora as they glint beneath the juuust right lights…the snatches of conversation at a coffee shop…in the ache of my quads as I pedal my bike up a steep hill…the rhythm of my breathing…
Being a creative is about awareness.
Sure, I still try to make each line as perfect as I can, BUT, I choose to do that after I’ve switched to editing mode. Sure, I sometimes feel uninspired, but if I set my timer for 30 minutes, usually something happens…it may just be me writing: This sucks, I don’t know what to write…I’ll never get it…Never…over and over again.
But more times than not…Musey shows up. The “this sucks, I don’t know what to write” may evolve into…”I stare at the blank screen…I wait…but you won’t come to me.” (Master and Slave).
Some days she’s gentle and whispers in my ear, encouraging me to keep going, and some days, like the other day, I barely get the pen in my hand and she’s yelling at me a mile a minute and I can’t get the words down fast enough.
My point is, I show up.
That’s all I have to do.
Even writing this blog – I procrastinated like hell because I didn’t know what to write about. Then I just got over myself, took that facebook post as a starting point, and… I showed up. Hellooo Musey.
It’s not always perfect. We don’t always agree. But I’m always amazed by her.
Sometimes she shows up unexpectedly, usually when I’ve ignored her too much like when I’m driving to work thinking about helicopters and firefighters and dozers.
Or (and this is always fun), when I’m in the middle of a mountain bike ride…usually when I’m on a long technical climb and I need to focus on what I’m doing…Heeeres Musey! Listen to me NOW! I like to think she’s got a wicked sense of humor.
But despite it all, it never gets old. I’m still amazed and sooo grateful to be able to do something that I love so much.
Even when the business side of music body slams me, I still show up to the page.
Musey has always had my back, even while I was in the Mythical Land of Writer’s Block, she was there. I was just pushing her away with all these unrealistic rules and limitations. I’m making up for it now by treating her with the respect and gratitude she deserves.
I don’t want to let her down.
She’d kick my ass.
P.S. If you want to meet Musey, check out Master And Slave.
